i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize