Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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