It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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