apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
