dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
