Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
