Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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