Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
