I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
