I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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