Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
