my room smells like sperm. sweet.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
