If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
