I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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