i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
