I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
