Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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