While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
