you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
