You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
