Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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