Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
