Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
