Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
