I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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