i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
