She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
