He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
