Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
