"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
