Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
