Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
