Ambien. No doubt about it.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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