Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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