I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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