and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
