so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
