Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
