Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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