am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i think i have two assholes
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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