Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
