your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
