well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
