Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
