all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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