Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
