So drunk its hurt
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
