the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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