obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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