Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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