Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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