Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
