i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
