my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish I only lived at night.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
