Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
