At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
